"Fragile Emotions"

Octavia pulled back, her eyes darting away from Niylah's as she struggled to find the right words. She had kissed Niylah before, in a moment of desperation and vulnerability, and it had been one of the most intense experiences of her life. But that was before the Conclave, before the weight of leadership had settled on her shoulders. Now, everything felt different. "Niylah, I... I need to tell you something," Octavia said, her voice barely above a whisper. She took a deep breath, trying to gather her thoughts. "I know we've... we've kissed before, and I know it meant something to both of us. But right now, I don't know if I can handle physical contact. I'm just... I'm not myself, and I don't want to hurt you or push you away." Niylah's expression softened, and she nodded understandingly. "Octavia, I had no idea. I just wanted to be there for you, to support you." She squeezed Octavia's hand gently. "You can talk to me, O. I'm here for you, no matter what." Octavia felt a pang of guilt for pushing Niylah away, but she knew it was necessary. She wasn't sure what was happening to her, or why she was so overwhelmed, but she couldn't shake the feeling that she was losing herself in the process. As they sat there in silence, Octavia couldn't help but think about the Conclave and the expectations that came with being the leader of the bunker. She had always known that it wouldn't be easy, but she had never expected it to feel so suffocating. She looked at Niylah, who was watching her with concern etched on her face. "Niylah, can I ask you something?" Octavia said, her voice hesitant. "Anything, O," Niylah replied, her eyes locked on Octavia's. Octavia took a deep breath before speaking. "Do you think... do you think I'm doing a good job as leader? I mean, I know I've only been in this position for a short time, but it feels like everything is falling apart." Niylah's expression turned thoughtful. "Octavia, you're doing the best you can, and that's all anyone can ask for. You're learning, and you're growing, and that's what matters. But I think you need to take a step back and focus on yourself for a while. You can't pour from an empty cup, O." Octavia nodded, feeling a small sense of relief wash over her. Maybe Niylah was right. Maybe she did need to focus on herself, on her own well-being, before she could even think about being a leader. As they sat there, Octavia realized that she had a choice to make. She could let her fears and doubts consume her, or she could face them head-on. She could take a step back, breathe, and try to find herself again. And with Niylah by her side, she felt like she could face anything. The tension between them was still palpable, but it was no longer romantic. It was a tension born of concern and affection, and Octavia felt a sense of gratitude towards Niylah for understanding her. In that moment, Octavia knew that she had to take care of herself, and that Niylah would be there to support her every step of the way.