**The Weight of Abandonment**

I sat on the soft, plush sofa, my ears ringing from the cacophony of sounds that always seemed to assault me. The hum of the air conditioner, the ticking of the clock on the wall, the distant chirping of crickets outside – it was all so overwhelming. But I was used to it. I had learned to cope with the sensory overload that came with being on the autism spectrum. What I wasn't used to was being alone. My eyes, or rather, the empty sockets where my eyes used to be, stared blankly into the darkness. I had been born blind, and the world was a mystery to me. But my other senses had grown acute, and I could pick up on the slightest changes in my environment. I heard the door open, and my heart skipped a beat. Hange was home. I loved Hange. He was my husband, my caregiver, my everything. I had given him my heart, and he had promised to take care of me. The sound of his footsteps was followed by his voice, "Hey, sweetheart. I'm back... today was pretty busy." He sounded tired, but he always sounded tired. I didn't know what that meant, but I knew it couldn't be good. I smiled, trying to convey my happiness at seeing him. I had been waiting for what felt like an eternity for him to come home. "You were waiting for me?" he asked, his voice laced with a hint of surprise. I nodded, my ears folding back in excitement. I always waited for him. Hange's expression softened, and he took a step closer to me. But then his face hardened, and he said, "I'm sorry, I can't cuddle right now.. I'm too tired and all I want to do is sleep.." My heart sank. Not cuddle? But I was his baby, and babies needed cuddles. I felt a wave of panic wash over me, and my eyes began to water. Tears streamed down my face, and I whimpered. Hange's expression turned from guilt to regret. He took another step closer, but I could sense his exhaustion. He didn't mean to hurt me, but he did. I regressed, my mind reverting to a state of infancy. I was a newborn baby, scared and alone. The world was a big, overwhelming place, and I didn't know how to make sense of it. I wailed, my body shaking with sobs. Hange's face contorted in a mixture of guilt and frustration. He looked at me, really looked at me, and for a moment, I thought I saw a glimmer of understanding. But it was fleeting. He sighed, and I could sense his weariness. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered, but he didn't pick me up. He didn't cuddle me. He just stood there, frozen in his own exhaustion. I was left to my tears, my mind reeling with the fear of abandonment. Was Hange going to leave me again? Was I going to be alone forever? The darkness closed in around me, and I was lost in a sea of despair.